The Great Pink Polka Dot Kidnapping
by descole4life
Summary: After being caught wearing the same pink short-shorts, Clive is kidnapped by the sassy Descole. As a form of cruel and unusual punishment, Clive is forced to join Descole's fanfic reading club. Oh yeah, Luke, Flora, and Britney Spears are there too. But they don't really matter. WARNING: The fanfics they read WILL contain yaoi. The yaoi police even get called! NOW THATS EXTREME!
1. A Fun Jog!

Hoping to lose the extra holiday weight, Clive had taken on the job of jogging EVERY morning before sunrise. He even bought some little pink polka dots short-shorts. They were kind of cute, actually. However, this morning was _different_; he had been listening to Britney Spears's _Circus _to add a little pep to his peppy workout. But none of this is relevant to the plot what-so-ever and I'm getting carried away so let's continue.

"All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus," Clive had found his new favorite song and he sung it _passionately._

Then, out of nowhere, came another frisky young fellow also wearing pink polka dots shorts.

"Whoa dude, am I making a fashion statement or what?" Clive took out his trusty binoculars out of his back pocket to catch a glimpse at the jogger behind him.

"Shoot, is that Descole?" After minutes of stupidly standing there, Clive had gotten a full glimpse of the fellow jogger.

"Oh NO!" The last time Clive had ran into Descole bad things happened, _bad things._

"Hey! Clive…wait… up!" Descole, out of breathe, made a desperate attempt to be noticed.

Clive, after noticing that Descole's shorts were much shorter than his, started to jog the fastest his little ugly legs could. Months of sweaty workouts have prepared him for this very moment.

"Clive, I have…something…to show you!" Descole yelled with his deep, yet girly, man voice that only came out when he was running. Which is very rare.

"Oh, well, that changes everything!" Clive screeched to a stop, completely forgetting that Descole's shorts were much shorter than his.

"What you want, bro?" Clive, rarely considerate, was not considerate.

After finally catching up to the frisky fellow, Descole considerately said, "Oh you know…BAM!"

Suddenly Clive was blindfolded and thrown to the ground. (I was going to say he was 'gang-upped' on, but that wouldn't make much sense since it was just Descole doing it.)

"Whatever you do, don't hurt my polka shorts! Please!" Clive, rarely considerate- FORGET ABOUT THE CONSIDERATE JOKE!

"Trust me, I wouldn't harm them in a million years…" said Descole really creepy like.

"I knew I couldn't trust you! And your shorter-than-mine-shorts!" Clive, rarely regretful, did something _very_ regretful, "What are you going to do to me?"

"You'll see," said Descole still shocked that he is actually winning at something, "You'll see."


	2. Meet the Fanfic Friends!

**Okay, so this part is supposed to like that Adventure Time episode where the Ice King kidnaps princesses and reads his Fiona & Cake fanfics to them out of their will. Yeah, kind of like that. Have fun!**

After being tossed around in a sack for a couple of hours, Clive was getting mildly concerned. Sure he had nothing better to do. But getting kidnaped was not on his bucket list. In fact, the _only_ thing on his bucket list was to buy those pink polka dot shorts. Which he had already done, so yeah he's free at the moment. Not Free as in the anime, BACK TO THE STORY!

"Hey, Descole, we can work this out! C'mon man! Who says two men can't wear the same shorts? I mean, not at the same time, of course. Ha, that would be weird." Clive would not shut-up, thinking that he could annoy Descole to death.

"Ah look, we're here!" Descole somehow managed to carry a body bag across London no questions asked.

Descole dumped the sack of flesh and bones otherwise known as Clive onto the floor.

"Oh hello Clive, what's up?" Luke, unknowing of the situation, invited the unwanted guest in.

"Ow! Huh…Oh! Hi Luke, nothing much. Just being kidnapped. What's up with you?"

"Eh gas prices are up I guess," Luke just said the worst joke mankind has ever knew. Typical. Just typical.

"Luke, I have finished baking those cookies you wanted!" said Flora, probably the only sane character in the story.

"Ahhhh!" Flora dropped the pan of cookies she worked so hard on when she saw Descole. It was for the better.

"Descole, you again? Where's my professor?" Flora was _very_ confused.

"Your professor? I'll have you know-" Descole was very sensitive when it came to college education.

"Alright stop it! Could someone please explain what the heck is going on here?" Clive acted like he actually cared.

"Whoa, settle down… no need for that kind of language," Luke settled the beast down quite well. "Every week or so Descole RUDLY breaks into our house and reads bad fanfics to us. It's kind of came of tradition."

"Bad…fanfics…? I…never knew…you didn't like them." Descole's puppy-like ear things began to look even sadder. The truth hurts sometimes.

"So why did you kidnap me?" Clive said, pointing out plot holes in this story.

"I thought you would enjoy them… but apparently not," Descole glared at Luke in the corner.

"Oh, Luke was kidding! We…love… your fanfics!" Flora tried to make the situation better.

"*Sniff* Do you?" Descole was clearly very broken up about the comment.

"Of course we do! We look forward to your visits! Don't we guys? DON'T WE?" Flora was looking for some back-up.

"No," Luke was brutally honest. More honest than Abe Lincoln. Not really. Sorry for that. I didn't mean it.

"Thank you, Flora," Descole was glad that at least one person in the world didn't hate him.

"So, we gonna get started or what?" Clive was growing very impatient.

"Oh yes! The fanfic! Let's get started, shall we? It's a killer one today!"


	3. Descole's Fanfic Chapter 1

Long ago in a lawless age, there lived a handsome, young man by the name of Jean Descole. And these weren't the kinds of jeans you got at JC Penny. No, Jean was special. In fact, the entire world trembled in fear when they heard his name. He held power over all authorities; none could put a stop to him. But today the tables turned, the world needed _his _help. Some new not-as-hot criminal dared to destroy the world. His name was _Hershel Layton_. And not like the kind of Hershey's Chocolate you get at K-Mart. No, Hershel was special. So special, in fact - forget this let's move on.

Nobody saw this coming. The government tried its best to stop this accident from ever happening. But today, _it_ happened.

"Mr. President! I have urgent news!" Said the useless background character with somewhat of a tragic backstory.

"Not now; can't you see I'm trying to enjoy this delectable slice of pizza?" The president was very emotional about his favorite meal.

"Sir, it's a code pink with polka dots."

As soon as the words seeped through the guard's ugly little mouth, the president had dropped the fruit punch he was drinking _right onto the floor. _Talk about a royal stain.

"No…NO! THIS CAN'T BE!" Tears fell from his face. The world is soon to be in ruins and there was nothing he could do about it. _Or was there? "_Call him…Call him now."

There was no way that any human could understand what he meant. It must have been the pressure getting to him. His pizza was going cold. Too cold. _Goodness glaciers it was getting cold._ I'm getting too stressed over this. I just _really_ dislike cold pizza. ANYWAY!

"Sir, I can't possibly know what you're meaning by this! Call who?" the guard was about to get ants in his pants.

"You know who. Descole. Jean Descole." It took all the strength the president had to not say 'yo mama.'

"DESCOLE? HE'S A CRIMINAL!" If the guard had coffee, he would have spit it out. But he didn't. Such a shame.

Suddenly the scene changes to Descole's million dollar mansion playing Britney Spears's 'Criminal' in the background. Hey, be happy it ain't Circus.

"Five more minutes!" the aborbz Descole was sleeping in his pink princess bed when his Britney Spears alarm clock went off. It was 4 in the afternoon. "Ah! Any day when I wake up to Britney Spears is going to be a good day!"

"That's every stinking day, _Master_," Raymond put the ass in sass.

"Well excuuuuuuuuuuuse me, princess!" Descole was now changing into his *cough* 'snuggle-wuggle' outfit. It was pretty much what he wore every day.

"Anyway, sir," Raymond tried his best not to look at Descole's panties. _Gosh they were adorable._ _He_ **needed** a pair. "The president has called you requesting your assistance."

"That's rare! Ha RARE! GET IT?" Descole had been watching way too many commercials. Meat jokes don't make any sense at a time like this.

"Oh I got one!" it was never good when Raymond had a joke, "Why did the tomato blush? Hehehe… HE SAW THE SALAD DRESSING!"

The irony made the situation so much more awkward.

After a few minutes of awkwardness later, Descole broke the silence, "So… about the phone call?"

Ashamed of what he had done, Raymond handed the Hello Kitty phone to Descole no questions asked. The hello kitty phone was used only for emergencies. And pizza ordering.

"Descole is that you? What took so long for you to pick up? Don't you know that there is an emergency on our hands?" The president's assistant, let's call him Rick for now, was hoping for a raise.

"Sorry I had some… issues to settle," Descole glared into Raymond's soul, if there was one, "What's the prob?"

"What's the prob? WHAT'S THE PROB? Turn on the TV and find out yourself!"

Raymond handed the remote to Descole. In which Descole turned on his designer flat-screen found just above his princess bed. "Oh, Henry Hugglemonster! What a surprise!"

"Not that you idiot! Turn it on news!"

Suddenly horrifying pictures flashed upon the screen. The headlines read: _'Britney Spears Concert Gone Horribly Wrong: Mrs. Spears __**BRAINWASHED.'**_

"… _brainwashed?_" Descole was utterly shocked by this news. His favorite pop star was being brainwashed. Why? Idk. You'll figure it out.

"Yes, she's been brainwashed. But you can help us stop this madness!" Rick's shift ends in an hour so he's speeding things up.

"Me? How can a bumpkin like me help the most wonderful singer in the world?" Descole never dreamed of meeting Britney, let alone save her.

"I'll tell you how," suddenly Abe Lincoln walked into the bedazzled princess room.

"Mr. President? What are you doing in London? This is MONARCHY COUNTRY!" Instead of questioning why a ghost was in the room, Raymond was more concerned about political standards.

"None of that matters, Raymond," Lincoln was acting very creepy for a ghost. "All that matters is _him."_

Descole looked around the crowded room. Abe could easily be pointing to anybody, "Who, me?"

"Not Rick the idiot," Lincoln had no fond memories with his assistant. Though why he said this, Descole did not know. Rick wasn't even in the room. "Of course you!"

"Me? How can a bumpkin like me help the most wonderful-"

"LET'S NOT REPEAT THIS!" Raymond was growing weary of this idiot montage and did not want another ghost barging in the room. "What do you want Descole for? C'mon I got an apple pie in the oven!"

"Okay here's my plan:"

1. We disguise Descole as Britney Spears

2. We go to the concert

3. Wing the rest

"Sounds bullet-proof to me," the plan caught Descole's attention on step 1. "I'll save you Britney!"

"Okay, leave me out," Raymond has had his fill on the idiot fest. "I got an apple pie to eat."

With virtually no plan, Abe and Descole are determined to save the world-famous pop-singer Britney Spears. Who is behind all of this? Is Raymond's pie all that good? Stay tuned to find out!

END OF CHAPTER 1

* * *

Back at Layton's house, Descole takes a breather before moving to chapter two of his fanfic.

"So, how do you guys like it so far?" Descole was _very_ proud of his new trashy novel. He shouldn't be; it stinks.

After hearing what no human should, Flora stared deep into the wall. The poor thing was traumatized.

"Okay so let me get this straight. The president, aka Abe Lincoln, out of all people, eats pizza then drops his fruit punch for some reason. You wake up and start stripping in front of Raymond. Then on TV it says that Britney Spears has been brainwashed/kidnapped. Somehow Abe Lincoln breaks in and tells you to dress up as Britney to save Britney? Then you agree?" Clive dared to question Descole's intelligence. It was only making things worse.

"Yeah pretty much."

"Wow… just wow. And I really thought he had a good one this week," Luke muttered. But of course Luke didn't really think that – he knew better. "C'mon let's get this over with."

"Hehe it sounds like someone likes it," Clive winked at Luke, non-romantic of course.

"N-N-No! I just want it to be over with! That's all, I swear!" Luke began to blush. No one can ever know that he enjoys Descole's fanfic reading club. In reality, it made him feel happy, what with everyone gathered around the fire, cozying up for a good night's fic reading. He made him forget about his father forgot him at this house about six months ago. "C'mon, Descole!"

"Okay then! Chapter two here we go!"


	4. Meet Britney Spears!

After Raymond had left the room, things were beginning to grow awkward between Descole and ghost Abe. Descole was hoping that Raymond would come in and share his pie but alas; he did not. To make matters worse, the hello kitty phone Rick was on was about to die. Rick had hung up hours ago; no one seemed to notice or care. Descole had also left the TV on. You could even slightly hear Henry Hugglemonster in the back saying 'Roarsome!' about every five seconds. Heck, who changed the channel? If you mix all of these things together, you get one awkward soup.

"O…k…a…y, I would love to stay in here and watch Henry Hugglemonster all day BUT y'know."

"Oh yeah! Totsweetz forgot about Britney!" Lincoln's lingo made him look very suspicious. _Very_. **_Suspicious_**. "Here's a Hannah Montana Halloween costume from a few years back," ghost Abe suddenly pulled a full-size costume out of his pocket; he was a magical politic. "Okay maybe last year but still it looks similar to Britney Spears! I swear!" Ha, he acted like Descole didn't know anything about the pop artist.

Seizing the opportunity, Descole spilled useless facts about Hannah to ghost Abe. It's not every day you get to do that. "Did you know Hannah Montana is from Tennessee? TN REPRESENT! Yeah the movie was there and everything! But in the last episodes she was —"

"Shut-up and put the dang suit on," ghost Abe had a very short temper. _I wonder why?_

"Oh you just can't wait to see me in my bra, huh?" Descole was acing very weird. This whole thing is weird, actually.

"**IM LEAVING**!" Actually, Abe did want to see him _in the buff._ If only he was _honest_ with himself. (holy cow that pun).

Descole decided to add some flair to the outfit to make sure he fooled the ignorant crowd. A pair of red hot high-heels, a scarf, and some pink princess lip balm. That should do it. He looked utterly, magnificently kawaii. Try saying that without laughing. I dare you.

"I heard bra so I came up – Oh hey Britney what's up?" Raymond, the test subject, fell for the stupid kindergarten costume. I mean he literally just heard Britney was brainwashed. Gosh how stupid can you get? Other than that, the plan was a success thus far.

* * *

With the disguise properly on, Descole headed for his pink limousine he got as a sweet-sixteen present. He might as well been Britney Spears at this point. Speaking of sweet-sixteen, ghost Abe decided to play it safe and eat apple pie with Raymond all day. Thinking that he could handle the situation himself, Abe gave Descole the directions to the concert. Also, ghost Abe was getting on my nerves so I made an excuse to leave to sorry little butt behind. But you didn't need to know that.

It was getting dark outside; it had to be around nine by now. That's what you get for sleeping in till four I guess. After about an hour driving, Descole finally reached the building in which the concert was taking place in. It was strangely quiet for a concert. No music, no laughing, not a single sound came out of the eerie building. Descole took a deep breath before walking in. It was now his time to shine.

Proud to be his favorite pop artist, Descole barged into the room. "All eyes on me—"

The room was deserted; not a single sole was to be found. "Well, where is everybody? Where's Britney? Where's the fans?"

After talking to himself for a solid five minutes, Descole decided that ghost Abe must have given him the wrong directions. What a jokester.

Then, suddenly, and out of nowhere, BAM! The same doors he made his grand entertrance in slammed behind him. Trapping the young wannabe pop star inside.

"ThAt WiLl NoT bE NeCeSsArY…" said a voice like none-other.

"Ek!" Frightened by the doors and the voice echoing in the building, Descole was acting like a little winy baby.

Putting Descole's grand entrance to shame, a shady figure floated down from the balcony to the stage below.

"J-J-Just who are you?"

"WhO aM i? YoU, oUt oF aLL pEoPle, ShOuLd KnOw…"

The figure stepped into the spotlight found on stage so it could be seen. It was some sort of robotized version of Britney Spears. What would drive a human to do something as cynical as this? It disturbed Descole. Heck, it would disturb me too. "iT'S BriTnEy BaBy…"

"Britney…? What happened to you?" Descole began to slowly step toward robot Britney; making no haste moves. "Who did this to you?"

Feeling threatened by the intruder, robot Britney raced toward Descole; clinching his throat upon impact. After a couple of minutes of being helplessly chocked, Descole began to wonder if he would ever make it out of here alive; let alone save Britney from the clutches of robots evil doers.

Just as he began to lose hope, a calming, almost sexy voice came from the entrance. "Release him," The door at the entrance opened slightly, just enough for the mysterious person to walk in. "He's a friend of ours."

Robot Britney let go of Descole's throat almost imminently. Gasping for air, Descole looked around the room looking for who had just saved him.

"That's much better," he was now walking toward Descole. "Now then, why don't you start by introducing yourself?"

He slowly and carefully picked up Descole by his pink scarf. He made sure not to harm his new test subject or his scarf in any way. "My name is Hershel Layton. What's yours?"


	5. Karaoke Party Time!

"Well, some people call me –"

"Oh really? That's nice…" Layton couldn't care less about his name; it was just to break the ice. All that mattered is that _he looked like Britney_. One more to add to his collection, I suppose. Oh yeah, I probably should mention that he has a cape on. Idk why. It would make him look cooler. It also had EVIL written on the back on it. It stands for: Every Villain Is Layton. Yeah, this fanfic is going nowhere so might as while add a few 90s references. I was only alive in the 90s for about five months but hey that's five months worth of—none of this matters and I doubt you care so let's move on.

"Wait a second," Descole, the ignorant little man he was, was just beginning to catch up to the situation, "are you the one who turned Britney into… _a robot_?"

"Yeah pretty much," Layton had given the whole archeology gig up a long time ago. Who would want to dust dirt when you can make robots? Seriously. "Isn't she amazing? Now she can give concerts 24/7… there's no stopping her. She's practically immortal…wouldn't you say…_Descole?_

"Ummmm, NO! You can't just turn people into robots – wait… how did you know my name?"

"It's stitched in your pink underwear."

"Hey! They're called panties thank you very much! Wait- HOW THE HECK DO YOU KNOW THAT?"

"It's for me to know and for you to find out…" I'll admit this is getting kind of weird and out of hand.

Okay this conversation is going nowhere so let's catch up with ghost Abe and Raymond. I'm sure _it's soooooooo more interesting_ than this catastrophe. That was sarcastic.

"Any more pies left, Raymond?" Abe loved pies just as much as he did life; not much. In fact, his favorite flavor was cherry. (I think he was the one who chopped down the tree? Maybe…yeah let's say he was.)

"Gosh darn it Abe! You've ate almost 70 dang pies! Leave some for me!" Raymond has a thing for simple sentences.

"No." So does ghost Abe.

"Okay then I respect that," Raymond, however, did not respect democracy. "Oh I got an idea! You want to play karaoke?"

"Why the heck would I want to play karaoke? I have much better things to do!" ghost Abe was surprisingly a _busy_ man.

"No you do not! You have been hanging around here all afternoon doing nothing but eating ALL OF MY PIES! MINE!" Raymond had finally broken.

Frightened by the poor, useless butler, ghost Abe yelled, "If it means that much I'll play your sticking karaoke!"

"Yay! I get to go first, though!"

* * *

"Primadonna girl, YEAH!  
All I ever wanted was the world  
I can't help that I neeeeeeed it aaaaaallllll  
The primadonna life, the rise and fall  
You say that I'm kinda difficuuuuult  
But it's always someone else's fault  
Got you wrapped around my finger, '_babe_'  
You can count on me to misbehave!" _*wink wink*_

Raymond's musky voice made this a terrible experience to witness (who would have guessed.) We can only hope that ghost Abe will be better. I somehow doubt it.

"Primadonna girl,  
Would you do anything for me? *hip swing*  
Buy a big diamond ring for me?  
Would you get down on your knees for me? *wink wink*  
Pop that pretty question right now, baby!  
Beauty queen on a silver screen  
Living life like I'm in a dream  
I know I've got a big ego  
I really don't know why it's such a big deal, though!"

Gosh this is getting terrible! Let's go back to Descole and Layton 'situation'…


End file.
